My Story

My name is Nicole Sonnefeldt, and I’m a former trauma and couple’s therapist turned alternative relationship coach.

For as long as I remember, nothing ever felt quite “right” in my romantic relationships. When I read the book “Sex At Dawn” by Christopher Ryan in my early 20’s, I finally felt like there was evidence to validate my feelings that monogamy wasn’t right for me. This began the difficult journey of unlearning the shame around my relationship philosophy and sexual desires. Still, I spent years as a “serial-monogamist” because without any community or guidance, I had no idea where to start.

I first began exploring non-monogamy in a partnered romantic relationship, and it pushed me to grow in ways I never could have imagined. We embraced self-reflection, clear communication, and flexibility, learning to shift our agreements as desired with every new experience. We found ways to explore desires and fantasies we never would have in our previous relationships.

Fives years later, I have found myself in a place I never could have predicted- I am a proudly bisexual solo polyamorous woman who has been supported by the most loving and caring friendships I’ve ever had, all formed through my queer non-monogamous community. I have learned about the endless ways people navigate alternative relationships by witnessing the beautiful individuals, couples and polycules I have been surrounded with. I even rediscovered my love of dance through performing at events prioritizing the safety of queer femme women, another unexpected result of my non-monogamy journey.

When it came time to consider opening my own counseling practice, I realized I had to make a choice between continuing to participate in my community to the degree that I desired, or to take a step back so that I could provide counseling to the community that brings so much richness to my life. Due to the strict, yet necessary boundaries in counseling, it would have been difficult to serve my preferred population while being such an active part of it.

Additionally, I found myself frustrated by our healthcare system and the stronghold insurance companies have on mental health services. Continuing to be a part of this harmful system felt inauthentic to my values and my anti-oppressive approach.

I started Freeform Coaching for Conscious Non-monogamy because it is the best solution to the problems I was facing. I feel so grateful for the opportunity to support my community with my clinical training and curious, creative spirit, while continuing to live authentically in all facets of my life.

Non-monogamy has given me more than I could have ever imagined, and I couldn’t be more excited about giving back!